Lonely

I near the end of my time here in California. It has been a long time, nearly a month since I arrived to help my Dad out as he was in the hospital for cancer. Back then we thought he still had weeks if not a couple of months. He was gone a week after I arrived. Weird to think about that now.

After that there was the funeral arrangements, the service to figure out, attempting to get his military records so he could be buried in a National Cemetery, and finally figuring out what to do with all of his stuff. And there was so, so much of it. Most of it nearly worthless at this point. And trying to figure out was wasn't was time consuming.

We had to clear out the storage units, take stuff to the dump (about 1 ton worth of junk in total according to the scales at the dump). That was a dusty job. Not a pleasant one either in this heat.

The yard sale that we had was more successful than I hoped and has helped to pay for expenses this month and the lawyer we are going to put on retainer to do the probate.

Dad's debts are approximately as much as his assets. Maybe a little more. I still have to file two years worth of taxes. But at least he paid his estimated taxes. He may even get a return from the IRS, but he thought he would probably owe some to the State.

My brother and sisters were here to help. We haven't quarrelled about the stuff that Dad had and so my job as executor has not been hard in that regard. My Mom, who divorced Dad a few years ago, really stepped up to help. She welcomed Dad back to the house for his final few days in hospice after his discharge from the hospital. There was enough room here that everyone could be here when Dad passed on, including Dad's sisters. He would have appreciated that I know.

While I was so busy and stressed trying to get everything done, feeling the weight of everything on my back it was relatively easy to put the emotional stuff on the back burner. Except for my time talking at the funeral--I was emotional then--that was my only weak point. I don't much like the weepy stuff. I don't like it at all. I would rather keep it locked up and let it fade away. Usually it does. Sometimes it comes out later...

Anyway, right now the only ones at Mom's house are Mom and me. It is way quiet. My family flew back early yesterday morning and the Sunny and her family left yesterday evening. Last night I watched an old movie with Mom and Stephanie called the Bachelor and the Bobby-soxer. It was good, amusing in a good natured way. Today has been full of last minute details. One last trip to donate old stuff, one last trip to the dump, one last trip for a few other things. Oh, and the shop that is fixing Dad's Harley-Davidson lost it--they found it, but it stressed me out for about an hour. So many little things to do the past few weeks...now it is time to get back to regular life. Time to drive up to Oregon and start working again.

Until that time, I am uncomfortable in this quiet house. This house with some many memories. Many of them bad, or uncomfortable. Now, there are some more sad ones too. But, while I am sort of sad right now, I did have a great time with Sunny, her husband Spencer and their kids, and with Patrick and Stephanie. Once my wife arrived with our rugrats, the house was full and there was never a dull moment. It is just too quiet and I don't like being left with my thoughts so much right now--mainly because I start thinking of my father and things that just seemed unfinished. Honestly, I never wanted to finish them--those things that bugged me about Dad or the way he and I related to each other. I spent many years just wanting to avoid him except for holidays and so forth. Spending time with him was...well it was just a lot of work. It is hard to describe unless you knew him. But he could talk forever. I found one of his last cell phone bills and for a guy with few close friends he still managed to talk for around 2400 minutes. I think I usually talk for about 800 minutes a month on my cell phone. I think I accounted for about 60 of those minutes.

Well, I guess I will go with Mom here for a final sandwich at D'Elia's and then pack up. About 1,050 miles later I will be home.